please, do not topple the statue, the statue was not designed for toppling,

insurance does not cover damage in case of toppling, please, do not run

your hands over the statue, it may rub off the oxidised layer and remind us

of how much gold was stolen to build it, please, the statue is embarrassed

enough about this already, please, do not graffiti the statue, it cannot read,

please, do not attach items of a sexual nature to the statue, the statue cannot

derive pleasure from this, the statue only enjoys being a statue, please,

do not tip the statue into the water, the statue cannot swim, please, if you

would like the statue removed, use the proper channels, online petition,

prayer by torchlight, somewhere else, please, throw yourself in the river,

and think about what you’ve done