THERE IS NO BELIEF WITHOUT UNBELIEF

Sanah Ahsan


the qibla points me to a shin-sized
bin against a wall

a brown-spotted banana tongue is
spilling from repletion and

a blood clot the size of a goldfish
passes between my legs still

i kneel bare-headed & unwudud at
the janamaz three hours late for fajr auditioning for

approval from my god who hasn’t
washed between their toes in days

the unbelief is swelling in my belly
i pray it is stillborn but it rushes out with ten

tiny fingers and ten tinier toes
wailing with holy life

god scoops it up rocking until
our terror becomes the melody we both sing

Sanah Ahsan is a poet, liberation psychologist, writer and educator. Sanah won the Out-Spoken Poetry Performance Prize 2019, was shortlisted for the Queen Mary New Writing Prize 2022, White Review Poet's Prize 2021, and Bridport Poetry Prize 2021. Their poetry has been featured on Channel 4 and BBC, and published or forthcoming in Wasafiri, Poetry Wales, The White Review, Ink Sweat & Tears, Fourteen Poems and anthologised by presses like Pan-Macmillan. Sanah was the poet and lyricist for a theatre adaptation of The Jungle Book. Sanah is currently writing their debut poetry collection, exploring queerness, Islam and intergenerational trauma.